No one will ever read this
by KennySheep
Summary: This sucks, but that’s ok since no one will ever read it anyways.
1. Some stuff happens

Once upon a time, a bunch of homeless guys were doing drugs since that's what homeless guys generally do. Then, a red car drove past and killed most of them. Then a cop jumped out of the car and the drugged up homeless guys were all like "Oh noz! It da coppers!". Then the cop pulled out a gun and started shooting at the druggies and the druggies all pulled out guns and started shooting at the cop but the cop just got down on his knees and kept shooting caus all the druggies bullets went over his head and they were too stupid to aim down. Then all the druggies died caus of too much lead passing through their crotches and they dropped all their drugs. The cop picked up all the drugs and said "lolz, these give me points! I wuv points. Wuv them like some sort of drug!". Then a clown jumped out of nowhere and stabbed him so he shot the clown but the clown had a friend who the cop shot to just because but all the shooting attracted more druggies who wanted to shoot stuff too so the cop shot them but then a druglord showed up and he was all like "Oh noz! U Killed ma customers! I'ma gona shoota you in da face 4 dat!" Then the druglord shot at the cop and the cop shot at the druglord but the druglord died and turned into a 10 foot tall statue of his own head that could shoot lazers n' stuff out of it's eyes but the cop shot that so it died too.

Then the cop walked into the druglord's bedroom and it was full of gold, so he was all like "lolz! I'ma gona take dis gold and buy a giraffe n' stuff!" so he did and was happy.

Then another cop showed up and was all like "Dude, this story sucks!" and the author was all like "oh well, no-one is going to read this anyways". "That's good" The second cop said, "I've only played the 1988 version, if anyone read this it might make no sense"! "I know," The author replied, "And since no-one is ever going to read this, we can do anything we want!". "Yay" said the cop, "That means I could make a fortune selling all the drugs I just confiscated from those hobos!". "Actualy, I'm looking up the wikipedia thing for the new NARC, cops can do that anyways now". "Realy!". "Yep, you can use them too, if you want". "But then what good would it do us that no-one will ever read this?". "Well, since this will never see the light of day, I can ignore basic punctuation rules. NO MORE PARAGRAPH STRUCTRE FOR ME! MUHAHAHA! THIS IS COMPLETELY UNREADABLE AND THERE IS NOUTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP IT CAUS YOU DIDN'T READ THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE!"


	2. The great reformatting!

One day shortly after the events of the chapter before this one, cop #2 was curled up in a corner crying. Then cop #1 noticed him, walked up and said "Lolz! Why is u cryings, fagz".

Cop #2 replied "We got a review"

Cop #1 thought about that for a second.

"Isn't that a good thing? It means at least one person read this! Someone is acknowledging our existence!"

"You don't understand" Cop #2 said as he got up, "This was written for the purpose of no-one reading it. 1 review means someone read it! That means our entire existence is meaningless!"

Just then, the author appeared out of nowhere for no apparent reason. "Guys, we have problems, someone read this!"

"We already know" Cop #2 replied.

"Well, if someone actually read this we are going to need to make some changes. Cop #1!"

"Yes" The first cop said.

"From now on everything you say must be proofread before hand. No more improper spelling and grammar in your speeches."

"I stopped talking like that sine the first paragraph!"

"Oh, well, just though I should remind you. Anyways, if people are reading this we can't have you nameless anymore. From now on, your name is Bob Johnson, you have a wife named Margaret and you are repressing memories of what your uncle did to you when you were 12 that may or may not become a plotline in future chapters. Any objections?"

"Well, I'd rather not have that uncle thing…"

"To bad! You get no say in this!"

"Then why did you ask for objections?"

"Shut up!"

Then the author turned to cop #2. "From now on, you will be Joe, the wacky African American comic relief character who shouts funny things at inappropriate times."

"I though both the cops in Narc were white. Changing their races just to make fun of them seems stupid and offensive."

"Too bad. If people actually read this we will need plot, and that format seems to work well for lots of other cop movies. Also, the cops in Narc were red and blue!"

"Why are you forcing us to change so much, wasn't most of the problem your crappy writing?"

"I'm working on that, too. Look, It even starts a new paragraph with each new speaker now. Isn't it so much easier to understand now?"

"Not really, you aren't indicating the speaker at any point during the conversations, I don't even know whose talking right now!"

"CRAP! I knew I forgot to do something, give me a second, I'll try to fix this."

Author: There, now things will make sense.

Bob: What did you do?

Author: I changed the format. This was all talk, no action anyways. Now it says whose talking before things happen. People will understand now.

Joe: But isn't this script format now?

Author: Yes, yes it is. What's your point?

Joe: Your not supposed to use scrip format. You could be dooming us all to deletion by doing this!

Author: Oh crap! _Hides in corner_.

Joe: No! Come back here! You haven't changed this back to story format yet! Were still going to get deleted!

Bob: Let him go. With any luck, everyone who read this realized it's crap and won't come back. Then no one will read this part and we will be safe from deletion.

Joe: Ok then, so what do we do now?

Bob: Want to go kill some druggies?

Joe: Sure!

Guns: BANGBANGBANGBANGBANG!

Druggies: Ow, I'm shot!

Guns: BANGBANGBANGBANGBANG!

Druggies: I'm dead now. Good job.

Joe: This was way more fun when we weren't in script format.

Bob: Oh well, gotta make the best of a bad situation.

Joe: Your right.

Guns: BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANG!

Sheep: Bar ram ewe!


	3. Total Narkage 11!

Once upon a time, in the magical kingdom of wherever the hell it was NARC was taking place, a wonderful thing happened. Despite being an unknown game with a piece of crap fic about it, 2 more reviews came in. This scared the little peoples of the land, as it went against everything they stood for, thus another great reformatting was instigated. This one, unlike the last one, was a super cool adventure with lots of sex, drugs and rock n' roll well fighting zombie monkey Nazis with lazars in space well riding dinosaurs. Why, you may ask. Well, they needed to find everything cool in the universe so that, when the next chapter came up, they would know what to avoid with it. Also, since I'm not elaborating on that any further, anyone who reads this just got screwed out of the greatest story in the history of ever! Ha!

Anywhoo, after much deliberation, the author decided on a few things. First of all, shooting druggies is a little too cool for this story. From now on, there will only be enough druggies shot per chapter that it still qualifies as a NARC fic. Other than that, it will be mindless, retarded chatter about nothing in particular. Also, to remove any artistic value this may have had, all statements will be translated into L337 for added illegibility.

Red Cop: \/\/-[Y [)0 \/\/[- \[-[-[) +0 +4 +-[1$???1???

Author: 1 72332 T0 +-1V W-7 N0+!!!1!!!!1!!!!!1!!!!11!!!!1!!1!!

Blue Cop: L0ze, 1'/\/\ess Z0 [00\zee!!!!!111!!!!1!!!1!!!!!!1!! 1 Gee0+z M3 Z0/\/\3 L33T H40R Sk1ZZzz!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!1!!!!11!!!!1!!!1!1!!!

Red Cop: 1 $T1L +-[1NK +-[1see 1S S+U 1[)!!!!!!1!!1!!1!!1!!!!!!1!!!!!1!1

Author: 0- \/\/EeeL3,,,,,11,,1,1,,, 1\m 0()+ 0 1[)34See F0R T-[1See,…1…1…

Blue Cop: 1Zeis G0[) 0' [)4 L33T463!!!!!!!11!!1!!11!!!!!!!!11!!!11!!!1!!!1!!!1!!!1!! 4L -[41L /\/\[- \' M4H L33T S 1LLZ!!!!!!!!!1!!!1!!!!!1!!1!!1!!1!!1!!1!!!!1!!1!!

Ok… that's enough of that. It's getting too hard to write…

Now for an obligatory hobo shooting!

Guns: BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!!!

Hobo: Ow, I'm dead now. Thanks a lot.

Wasn't that great, kids? I'd better say the hobo was on drugs, too, just so its still NARC and not some other crazy game like The Suffering or something….

Hobo: Ah, I'm so happy now that I've taken some extacy. It helps me cope with the pain of being a dirty, smelly hobo who wears what looks like a sack of potatoes for a shirt.

Red Cop: Your busted, come with me, sir. You're going to jail, then a very nice detox place that will help you turn your life around.

Hobo: Ok then, I'll go quietly.

Blue Cop: 0-[z \0z!!!!1!!!1!!1! H3'seea C0mmm1n 21g-[+ 4 Uz!!!!!1!!!!!! SH0o+ T4-[ K1LLZ!!!!!11!!!!!1!!!

Guns: BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!!!

Hobo: Ow, I'm dead now. Thanks a lot.

Red Cop: God dammit.


	4. Why did I write this? Oh yah spite

"Wait a minute, our names are Jack and Marcus now? O.o" The blue cop asked. He actually ended the sentence with "Uppercase O period lower case o", just to get the point across.

"Apparently" said an author who long ago got bored with the entire premise. Like, after the first chapter had been submitted.

"Well, that's kinda cool" said the blue cop. Was this cop meant to be the smart one or the crazy one? I don't remember anymore, and I don't plan to re-read my work to find out.

"Agreed" agreed the author, who just re-read enough to learn I was referring to the cops by number, not color. Shame, now I don't know what I'm talking about. Uh.... don't know what I'm talking about even more-so, I wasn't sure of the point here in the first place.

"Wait, it was the red cop who was meant to be intelligent, this is a continuality error!" Said the blue cop.

The author then got bored. I wonder what's on TV.


End file.
